All of it.
The passion, desire, and most of all … hunger … has returned.
It’s taken a while … a long while … yet I can truly say that for the first time in the post-MF Global/Book Authoring/Jellyfish Training era, my desire to climb the next mountain has returned.
Many will recall I had a similar feeling in 2007 when I was so frustrated with my lack of focus that I went completely off the grid to re-tool and re-focus, before beginning to publicly bare my trading soul on a daily basis … an effort which began completely as one of personal accountability, before it took on a life of its own.
If we were to use our crazy old movie analogies in our former blog life, we might call it Back to the Future … or is it Back to the Futures?
OK, the wit may have aged, the jokes less funny (assuming they ever were), and I may not be as quick and agile on the keyboard as I was when I was a spry 47.
Yet as I approach 53 in just a few short weeks, I feel as vibrant and alive as ever.
Frankly, I feel as I’ve been thwarted at every turn over the past few years, as if being the main character in the world’s “Whack-a-Mole” game. Or perhaps a contestant in the world’s real-life game of Survivor.
You see, it was 40 months ago – almost to the day – when I wrote the Catching the Rabbit post that was as popular as any I’d written to that time. We’ll get back to the interesting “40″ number in a bit. And frankly, since then it seems as if I’ve been on one long journey of trial, temptation, and tribulation that included momentarily losing access to my entire $ 3.0 million trading balance, a few health nuisances, loss of my dad & moving my mom, and so much more including a complete loss of passion for this business.
Oh, I tried various things to reignite that passion, including launching the Jellie program, finally accepting Wiley’s repeated requests to write Chronicles, do a few speaking engagements, and much more. And while these efforts were very well-received and I derived some personal satisfaction from each, they were energy-consuming and emotional-draining to a far greater extent than I first realized. Add life’s events to the mix, and you get the picture.
Oh, I traded … every day and on top of all other business concerns. Yet too often it was going through the motions in a laissez-faire “big whoop” manner.
Feel like sleeping in past 5am to miss THE most fertile, pure, and cleanest trading timeframe in place today with no U.S. session “cowboy” market rhythms? No problem, you’ve earned it Don. And you wonder why you end up in subsequent scamper mode??
I’ve often said there’s a razor thin line between sloppy mediocrity and astounding success. I know, for I’ve been on both sides, and too often my trading has leaned to the sloppy side.
And as I picked up the pace on the spiritual side, the conflicts and performance got even worse.
Remember my April 2010 Emmaus post where I discussed my personal spiritual battle and re-centering? Including the feeling of being caged? Well, in hindsight, I’ve felt a bit caged since that day as that awakening weekend seemed to tick off our enemy to no end, and he’s been relentlessly after me ever since. And of course the more I got involved with Emmaus and our local Alpha program in various leadership capacities, the more roadblocks were set in my path such that I was always unavailable or distracted during optimal and fertile trading periods.
Yet that was then.
And so here I stand – 40 months later – feeling freer than free and as if I’ve just been let out of a cage. My trading capital has been fully restored and is now once-again consolidated such that I can trade the full balance in a focused manner, I’m reading the market as well as I ever have, and have a renewed vision, desire, and energy level that has been 40 months in the making.
And if the number 40 sounds familiar in terms of personal testing, just Google it and you’ll find the examples plentiful and the parallels uncanny.
It was once said that if you put an eagle in a cage, it would eventually bite through the bars whether they’re of iron or gold.
Well, it’s taken me 40 months.
But I’ve bitten through them and am ready to fly.
Let’s see how far these wings can take me … and us.
Don Miller’s S&P Trading Tank